Unfulfilled
by Calcite
Summary: The chief librarian at the Hollow Bastion is an unwilling observer to events that shape Ansem's abrupt change to darkness.


PAUSE FOR BOURGEOIS LEGALITIES "Kingdom Hearts" and all characters and situations contained within are copyrighted trademarks of Squaresoft and Disney Interactive. Permission is hereby granted by the author to reproduce this document unless you try to make money off of it; if so, please contact me first at Calcite_McWhalen@hotmail.com. I may be a grown-up cartoon fan but I do know my way around Title 17.  
  
Thanks be to Shellymoon who was kind enough to muddle through the first version of this, and to point out what needed to be done.  
  
****  
  
Unfulfilled  
  
****  
  
Morning at the Hollow Bastion is a beautiful thing, especially if one is beneath the surface of the Rising Falls. Standing on the strangely solid water can be a disconcerting thing but I'd quickly forget that as the sun appears first under the surface of the waters; for the region where the Bastion castle is located is entirely composed of water, parting only at this one mystically charged place. The sun underwater is a giant glimmer, a golden glow that can't be denied even by thousands of tons of water. Eventually the sun will continue to rise, beginning to paint the skies above deep hues of cyan and magenta and orange as the glow underwater builds to a rising concerto until it finally breaks the surface, reflecting off of the amazingly clear waters and seeming to force the entire world to glow bright yellow.  
  
It was always my favorite part of the day. Now, I only wish that I could escape this dark place, return to the castle above. If I turn my head so that the very tip of my forehead fits outside of the bars in this prison I can see the very edge of the ocean floor. It's only a temporary respite, however, as eventually the truth of my situation will come crashing down on top of me and I'll pull my head back, out of the bars, depressed and lonely.  
  
I am called Grudo, and I am - was - a servant of the Hollow Bastion and its master, Ansem.  
  
****  
  
It was probably about five years ago that things started to go badly.  
  
Ansem at that time was a relaxed man. He may have been forty years old but his power was such that he could keep his body from aging outwardly, and nobody begrudged him that. After all, he did live in the physically demanding Hollow Bastion and as such he was constantly working on its elevator systems or piping or even the roof a couple of times. He was a strong, red-haired man with an easy grin and a wise sense of justice. He'd been in charge of the Bastion for almost twenty years and they were good years, too; the outlying towns and cities had actually worked together on technology enhancements and getting the produce in for the year. Bandit attacks were at an all-time low. The harvests of the last few years were so good that if we could find a way to keep it from spoiling we wouldn't have to farm for decades.  
  
Ansem himself was an active guy, too. He would take a tour of the whole world every few months from the back of his giant dragon mount, Bahamut, and on one such journey a few years back he'd stumbled across a bandit attack. I don't know if this actually happened, but I've been told that he actually drew his double voulge and interfered in the attack. I figure that something of the sort had happened because the bandits were all killed and we've never received another report of an attack from that region. At any rate when he was done he realized that the victim (who had reportedly done a pretty good job of holding off the bandits) was both attractive and attracted to him, and things spiraled up from there. Her name was Hikari and she was the opposite of Ansem, physically; where he was strong and longhaired, she was very thin with a short cut to her brunette hair.  
  
We'd all had the chance to meet her when Ansem brought her to the castle. She certainly didn't waste any time making friends and charming the socks off of people here - even me, a mere librarian - but it was obvious that she only had eyes for Ansem. Likewise, he'd always kept himself aloof from other people but it was all he could do to not take her in his arms right away, and we all knew it. It was no huge surprise when they finally got married. Ansem's own mother presided over the ceremony in the Chapel and it was a joyous occasion in the normally quiet Hollow Bastion.  
  
Having Hikari at his side only made Ansem more competent and wise. He'd go about his business with even more spring in his step than before. Hikari fit right in as well; she was stronger than she appeared and was able to help taking care of the elevators and piping right alongside her new husband. The two of them together was a great thing for all of us servants, too. I can remember how he used to take her into the library and study with her for hours on end, teaching her all of the little details about how our world ran itself, and how watching those two would get me inspired. Before I knew it I would have, oh, I don't know, cleaned the entire library of dust and debris or redone the whole card index or some other huge project.  
  
But I digress.  
  
Family had apparently been all that Ansem had wanted from life. Now don't get me wrong - he had some family. That wasn't limited to just his mother, either; he maintained something of an orphanage in the Hollow Bastion, claiming that it was too big for him to live there alone. He didn't have anyone like Hikari, though. He didn't have anyone that he could just go to and talk about things as plain old Ansem, rather than the world ruler that he was. Nor did he have any children to truly call his own and continue his lineage through them.  
  
Hikari certainly didn't waste any time that way. After perhaps three months in the Bastion she suddenly had to go slowly about the castle, navigating more by the elevators than the ladders that she used to use so much, and it became obvious that something was wrong; but when Ansem proudly announced that she was pregnant the whole of the castle shouted aloud.  
  
It was supposed to be the best time of his life.  
  
****  
  
I've been down here, in the castle basement, for almost three months. Ansem remembered his servants well; he recalled how I would often work long and quiet hours in the library and decided that somehow my heart was slightly different from the others. So he put me in this cell alone, using one of his Heartless creatures to feed me, and hasn't appeared since, along with anyone else. I pass the time in here by recalling what happened at the castle, trying to remember the feel of the carpet and the feel of the books underneath my careful touch.  
  
I try to remember Aerith, one of the orphans that Ansem had brought to the castle, one that always loved books and knowledge and the windows in the corner; my constant companion. Occasionally her spiky-headed friend would wander on in and she'd leave for a while, but she'd always be back. Sometimes she'd even convince him to stay for a while.  
  
I try to remember Ansem's mother but I've forgotten her real name; she's just a face and a jumble of memories for me. Isn't that sad? I guess it's just because this place has grinded me right down, day after day after light-sucking day.  
  
Back to my story. perhaps it'll keep me sane for another day.  
  
****  
  
Hikari and Ansem were all set to be parents. They'd converted a room on the third floor into a nursery; they'd stocked and restocked on the stuff that the new baby would need; they'd even gone to me, to get as many books on parenting and children that I could possibly supply. The whole of the castle seemed ready for it, from the lucky parents right on down to the lowest maid in the castle.  
  
Then tragedy struck.  
  
I can remember that night clearly, even down here; the castle was actually rumbling from the storm outside. It was by far the worst one that I'd ever seen there and I spent the night in the library, trying to keep things from getting too out of hand. Also, the library just happened to be right next to the doctor's room and I listened carefully, wondering despite myself whether Hikari would have a girl or a boy. Anyway, I couldn't here too much but from what I could here and what I knew about the process I'd guessed that things were proceeding about as they should have.  
  
Now it didn't take me the eight hours that Hikari was in labor for to clean the library up, but I stayed there and worked on side projects all the same. The rain lashed at the windows in sheets, loud to my ears even after I'd pulled the shades down around the window. I was seated at the table, listening intently to the sounds coming from next door, when silence suddenly erupted from the room. I was halfway to the door before I realized I was on my feet. Hurriedly I pressed my head against the side of the door and I could hear. could hear. a baby's faint cry. Success!  
  
At that point, I had slid down the doorframe to its base, breathing heavily. The new child wasn't mine but any kind of birth at the Bastion itself was a major event, and I had been listening for more than a short time. It never occured to me that something could have gone wrong until I had struggled back to my feet, listening again, and other than the baby's cry I heard... nothing. Nothing from Ansem, the new proud papa, and nothing from Hikari, the exhausted wife. Nothing from the doctor that Ansem had brought in from the continent, either. Nothing... but a baby's cry.  
  
I waited. Nothing came out.  
  
It wouldn't be until the next day that Ansem announced that his wife had died giving birth to their daughter.  
  
****  
  
That was about when it all went bad. Publicly, Ansem had all but withdrawn for a few weeks following that night, but he'd eventually come to his senses and tried to pick up the pieces. His wife was buried on the mainland, full state honors, with Bahamut using its natural Mega Flare attack to light up the sky in memorial. Then it was back to business as usual at the Hollow Bastion, with one major exception; Ansem ordered that his daughter not be anywhere around him, ever. Instead, he ordered that his mother take care of her.  
  
It's too bad, too, because I believe even now, to this day, that if had just spent some time with his daughter - her grandmother had named her Giselle - he would have been able to get over his wife's death. Once she was old enough to understand things her grandmother would occasionally bring her inside my library to read to and teach, and she was just the cutest little thing - she had her father's hair but her mother's build and the combined enthusiasm of both, and she'd scamper about the library upsetting things and jumping about and generally being a joyful child. She'd often run over to Aerith, at that point almost nine years old, and they'd wander around the library together being girls. Giselle only ran into Ansem once, and he strode right by her as if she didn't exist.  
  
That was a shock and a half, but he followed it up with more: the orphanage was to be moved to a different location, and all of the orphans would be moved there. None of the team that I'd gotten used to were too happy with that, but they all went along with the program - except for Aerith's spiky-headed friend. He decided to stay and fight for his right to live there. He managed to stay away from the people collecting the orphans and ran most of the way up the Hollow Bastion before Ansem found him. Ansem took him inside the Grand Hall and did... something. I've never been able to pin down exactly what happened but the kid disappeared permanently. It was about then that the castle staff really came to fear Ansem.  
  
At the same time, I happened to be in a position to see more of Ansem than most people; he had stumbled across some kind of new creature and had decided to research them carefully. He'd often pop into the library at late hours, as I was getting ready to close down for the night, and demand paper and something to write with. It was obvious that whatever he was doing he was pushing himself very hard, even to the point where he once fell asleep at the table in the library. I took the chance to clean up around him and found a document entitled "Ansem's Report", but I chose not to pry. He was, after all, the most powerful mage in all of the Bastion and he'd probably be able to tell that I was messing with his stuff. With his mental state at the time, that would be a bad idea.  
  
Then came the second storm. It was actually worse than the other one, and not just in the strength of the rain; the heavens opened up and poured meteors down upon the Bastion. Thankfully the library was spared them but the other parts of the castle weren't as lucky; I was drafted afterwards to help clean up the Bastion from the strange meteors. They were unlike anything that I had ever seen, some kind of material that was tough but elastic and would stick to each other, easily dismantled by a human hand but almost impervious to any other kind of stimuli, stiffening against impact. It was due to the activity that I didn't grasp that Giselle had gone missing. When I did, I frantically announced it to the servants; we searched the castle with reckless abandon until, three days later, we confirmed that she'd gone missing. Either she was killed by the meteors or she was blasted clear out of the Rising Falls. We never found a body but she had to have been killed. Anyway, we went to Ansem as a group and told him that his daughter was missing, and he replied curtly that he didn't have a daughter and that we should be going back to our duties.  
  
That was the final straw for Ansem's mother, who seemed to just give up, dying a few scant weeks later. It's sad that we never really gave her more of a funeral but we all had our own problems at the time; mysterious creatures had begun to infest the basement of the castle and they were moving upwards. I didn't think much of it until one fateful day, which I had been spending trying to straighten up the library (somebody had been studying ancient mages and had scrambled the shelves), when one of the creatures came inside of the library. It was small, I suppose, but I hadn't ever seen anything like it before, and while it occupied my full attention another one attacked me from behind, and I could only remember falling...  
  
****  
  
And I ended up here.  
  
I haven't seen Ansem since when I first arrived, when he glanced over me with red eyes and decided my fate. He'd changed; he wore a strange and foreboding pendant and his hair had become straight silver, rather than the lively red it had been. He was attended by three of those creatures that had attacked me in my library.  
  
Here I sit, watching the sliver of sun reflect off the water that I can barely see, and I think that I've told my final tale: I'll never make it out of here alive. Almost obligingly the door slides open and one of those Heartless things is at the door. He's not carrying food. He extends a hand toward me, almost inviting...  
  
And...  
  
And... I suddenly feel faint-headed, and I collapse on the ground, but I can't feel it....  
  
... it seems so unimportant, now...  
  
... and I suddenly can't see anything but blackness...  
  
... can't hear, either...  
  
... can't ...  
  
... remember...  
  
**** 


End file.
